hating the grey clouds above my head

it's been almost a month since i posted my last entry. lots of thoughts in my mind but i'm just too lazy to go into my blog.

finally...2nd year had come to an end...like 2 weeks ago? yup and i'm still in moscow..almost everyone in my year had already gone back to m'sia except a few who are staying for the graduation ceremony.

it has been an exciting year for me..it's not a smooth year for me, lots of things happened around me...the best and the worst..and i've never been so emotional in my whole life. i exceled in my studies..which i've never been so proud of myself as i'm always an average student..i'm just so happy of my full 5s results and i hope i've done my parents proud. i'll have to work even harder for the coming sem. thanks for all the supports and inspiration, thanks for the good luck hugs that improves my luck( luck plays a big part in this stupid russian marking system), thanks for all the bitchiness and back stabbings and the unfairness i've witnessed that makes me wanted to strive even harder for every exams, and thank God just for everything especially all the avtomats and all the miracles. well i deserve the marks..if they can get a 5 from asking people for answers and depend solely on prayers..so do i. i worked hard for it.

on the other hand..my personal life was like a hell ride. got backstabbed not by 1, not 2 but 3 of them..from who? a close friend of mine, a roommate who looks so darn innocent on the outside and what? a guy who likes me?? gosh..i almost couldn't take it, at some point i feel like i'm such a fool for trusting them so much. but thanks for all the support my friends. i can never forget abt this..it's like a scar that stays forever.but it definitely makes me a stronger person now.
what's next? almost lose a buddy over some misunderstandings..sorry for all the contradictions that i've created. it's not worth at all to lose a friend over a useless ticket to a lame so-called annual dinner and it's so fake. thank God everything's fine now.
can't get enough sleep 'cos of this one roommate that is so capable of making noises..i wonder how she does that all the time. feel so depressed whenever i see her in the room..everytime i came back from class..the first thing i'll do after opening the door is to check whether she's in the room or not. i'll be so freaking happy if she's not in. well can't blame me, after a long day from class, all i want is peace in the room. hmm..blame me for taking her in...wrong decision,shouldn't be so soft hearted.
though all the bad things happened to me..i am still enjoying my life. i'm glad my life has to be so bumpy this year, which makes it so interesting and unforgetable. especially the euro trip part..except in the end when someone spoiled the whole trip..
the best part is after exams. stress free, i get to do some readings, watch movies, ooh of cos get to hang out with jo..go jalan jalan around moscow. can't think of anything to do? well i'll just lie on the bed and sleep the whole day. it's piggy i know haha.

there's a lil' bit different this year for me..for the past two years..all i'm waiting for is to go back m'sia asap after a whole year of battle with tons of tests and exams and not forgetting my whole bunch of useless n bitchy groupmates but this year..i'm having mixed fillings..i just can't bear to leave moscow as i know that everything will be different when i'm back in this cold harsh land.
hmm...guess now i kinda understand why vivien looked so emo the day before she went back to m'sia.

there's one thing which i'm really looking forward to is joining my new groupmates for this coming sem...heehee ;)

coming to an end...real soon

ahh~~ finally..it's over..did my microbiology finals today.
microbiology was never my subject. i hate it, i hate tiny lil' stuff & i really suck big time in it. it's all about imagination thinking actually how tiny microbes & viruses look like.
i like histology better ;))
well this time i'm not confident that i'll get good marks on this paper..dun think that i actually gave the best answers for some of the questions. was not studying hard enough i think...maybe i should blame myself on that. and wayyyy too much distraction during exam, people from all directions around me keep asking for answers from me..i was like..wth u think i'm what..the walking text book?! gosh i hav my own paper to do too! i have my own questions to deal with! what's wrong with u peeps? go study!!!
i'm glad it's over and i get to enjoy my whole day after the exam. gotta get some rest before i start studying for other subjects. 4 more to go but because i've got avtomat for both biochemistry & russian..so left 2 more subjects to go. yay~~hehehe.

no hot water in moscow due to some..err..some problems...they are repairing it or watever lar...the cold water was way too cold..but it's nice to bathe in it since it can really keeps me awake..especially during exams period and i'm so totally immune to caffeine nowadays. i know..i know..it's not good for health..but i'm just too lazy to boil water..and i can't possibly go on without bathing for the next two weeks right..haha
and i just realized how important hot water is in moscow..
no hot water + lazy to boil water = jumps like a mad woman on the bathtub when the cold water runs on your body

btw, does anyone has any idea on where to get good STETHOSCOPE with a reasonable price in russia?? help ask around can?? pls~~ pls~~ :D

got tagged...

5 things that i did 10 years ago

1. go swimming (training) once a week,& also learn life saving
2. study (my primary school teachers are crazy)
3. watch cartoons
4. bugging my mum..hehe
5. play games

5 things on my to-do list today

1. go to the park
2. study microbiology
3. prepare for biochemistry test
4. dine out with friends
5. do some online readings and watch drama

5 boys that i adore

1. my brother ken-li
2. chace crawford
3. hidetoshi nakata
4. daniel henney !!
5. i'll leave this blank for my mr.right ;D

5 of my bad habits

1. never fold my clothes in my cupboard
2. procrastinate
3. prefer putting shoes into the washing machine instead of scrubbing it
4. likes licking the plate until crystal clear after meal.(only when i'm at home)
5. likes to bite off the dry skin away from my lips

5 places i have lived

1. cheras, selangor (when i was very young, arnd 1-4 yrs old)
2. seremban (with my grandparents,when my parents are working,arnd 3-4yrs old)
3. singapore ( arnd 4-5yrs old)
4. jb, johor ( still staying here)
5. melbourne,australia (for abt 2 months)

5 things i'd do if i could change the world

1. end corruption
2. defend women's rights
3. create new law
4. kill all the hypocrites
5. create new drugs for diseases

5 people i tag

1. dominic
2. josephine
3. lili
4. xin hung
5. -

ignorance is bliss

been having sleepless nites..tear glands been very active for the pass weeks.crying myself to bed seems like a normal routine for me. eyes swelling every morning i get up from my bed. chest pain which prolly due to lack of sleep and stress..feels like my ribs are tearing apart.the stress i'm having..i'm afraid i might not take it anymore...fucked up people around me..and finals coming soon. can't seem to control my emotions. yes, i'm not that kind of person who can forget about things easily...it takes time for me to heal. i've got to be strong...i really have to. i'll survive.
how i wish i've never met these bunch of people. and how i wish my brain works like the computer, one click to reformat it and all unused documents stored will be gone forever, backing up the good and useful ones.
well at least i know i still have friends who cares..especially my roommate..i'll feel fine the minute i get to see her.everthing's alright everytime i get a hug from her, just a simple hug from her brightens up my day. i can't imagine the days without her after she graduates. i just hope these friends of mine are not like those people who i used to trust, who once i called them close friends. i only left a hands full of friends..which i can't afford to lose. i wonder if they would do the same to me. sorry for not trusting, but i can't seemed to fully trust anyone anymore...
sorry suresh..can't do ur tags right now.i can't think of anything at the moment..will do it later ok.
looking forward to tomorrow's dine out with you peeps.

spring is in the air~~~ yea..hot air...

gosh....not another overly over hot spring this year...i'm melting...every year at this time.
my arteria temporalis superficialis has been throbbing non-stop...my head's gonna burst anytime..feel like drilling a hole on my head to release some pressure...urghh...

anyways...i'm super duper happy...i've bought my OПХ (operative surgery) book from a senior with affordable price. thanks suresh :). i've been flipping the book instead of studying my upcoming colloq. haha. gonna bring this book back to malaysia so that i could flip a few pages while enjoying my hols back home.

just got back from spartivnayah for choir practice..dunno why...somehow i just feel happy and without being worry about anything after singing. and the wonderful thing is...i can sing...for those who know me...they'll know that wen-li can never sing. i still remember that i failed my test for the singing part (they have this music as one of the subjects to be taught during primary school). all i can say is..it's a miracle. well i just hope everything will be fine for tomorrow's L factor event.

off i go now...wanna enjoy my chapati with sardines while watching movie ;p

mr. Know-all, the greatest of all

(this is what i've jotted down in my note book during my physiology class this morning.)

idiot, stupid fucking bastard. don't you think you know everything, you're the dumbest of all. what you don't know, you act as if you know and give the dumbest answer, but whatever hypocritical stuff you did, you acted stupid, as if you don't know anything. bad mouthing, gosh you're great in this i must say, your hobby! who in this hostel doesn't know you're good in it? even peeps in sweden knows about it! when ask who's the crapper...that's you! the champion!!
now i know how in the world can you fail even the simplest exams, because your rotting brain can only think of what's the next move to make other's life miserable.
so now it's your turn to preach, your turn to judge people. because you think you are God. you're mr. Know-all, the greatest of all. oh not forgetting the ''mr. Gentleman'' title, it's yours too.
innocent and pure, that's what written on your face. everyone fell into your trap. who's the next victim? i'll pray hard for him/her.
best bootlicker in the world. study medicine for what? save people from illness? hope not!! the patient will die in your hands! just go on bootlicking, oh and don't forget to buy more chocolates for teacher..get the expensive ones..you have to please her to pass your exams. don't think i'll need to teach you that..you're capable of it.

well folks, enjoy reading this, just thought of writing it down after seeing his fucking sissy face. it's not easy being in the same class with a ''bitch'' like him. he really annoys me and my groupmates.
so ranting here is better than giving him one tight slap straight into his face, just not worth doing so.

p.s. don't boast that you've already finished your exams and please don't lie to people that you've passed your exams when the fact is that you've flunked it.

promises are meant to be broken.

i've been thinking about this a lot lately...
what's the use of having a close friend if you don't even believe what i've told you...your words pierce straight through my heart..i've never expected that i would get those answers from you..i was so hoping to come back to moscow to see you after the trip and tell you what happened to me...i was already so hurt by that incident..you didn't even console me..yet you said something...it seemed to me that you took pity on him instead of me...as though i'm the one who started all these and he's the one who got hurt.
how am i suppose to trust u anymore?
you're so close to him...i don't even dare to share my thoughts with you anymore.
i'm trying to ignore you..even trying to avoid eye contact because i just don't know how to talk to you anymore.
i'm not sure whether i'm paranoid over these or not...is this my own problem or what, somehow i just can't trust you anymore.
and don't tell me about promises because i don't believe such thing exists. i've always thought i can always make a difference out of this whenever people tells me that promises are meant to be broken..but it's already proven to me..there's no such thing that we can keep a promise..there are no promises in this world except God's promises to us.

random thoughts

''it always rains the hardest, on the people who deserve the sun.''

what makes a bad medical student?

cool entry!
my dear coursemates...whoever read this, i just hope you're not the one she's talking about. though i know there's a few of you who matches all these points.
check this out...

http://medscape.typepad.com/thedifferential/2008/03/what-makes-a-ba.html

storms are over..at least for time being

after having mishaps for the past two days..at last, i get to see the brighter side today.it was truly a blessed day and thank God for blessing me.

i managed to clear my physiology colloq today, not bad, and finished presenting my topic on eugenics and its history for my bioethics class..and...hiak hiak got my zachut!! one subject cleared!! ;)
i'm glad that teacher likes my presentation a lot..and with those non-stop praising..hehe..i'm contented. :) and i think i've found back the will power to study harder..just like the me during 1st sem that never slacks.been slacking a lot since 2nd sem started. hmm..colloqs more to come.

anyways.. some announcement to make...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR SURESH & SHUMAINE!!!!
(do all ppl born this day have S for their initials??hahaha)

cheeroz
off i go now, tchus!!

this time i have to face it, and i know i can

was having a break from studying and suddenly thought of you. i recall back what happened on my 21st b'day.
there's things which left undone..i know i should've at least say thanks to you.

Thanks for the kiss, it's the best b'day gift ever. though it might not meant anything to you. just wanna let you know that it's the first kiss i've received, from a guy i like. it meant a lot to me.

letting you go is perhaps the hardest thing i could ever do. i've always thought that this thing, it wouldn't be any problem for me, thought that i could handle it well but i was so wrong about it. it hurts me tremendously. but somehow, the kiss eases the pain, and it's like an alarm clock..telling me that it's time for me to wake up.

so i've already decided, i'm letting you go now, it has been so long and it's time to put everything behind, to be only wonderful memories, get on with my life and stop pondering about it. and what now i'm hoping for is a genuine friendship between us.
Thank God for pulling us near once again. and let us get to know each other even more.

when trials set asail & my moods descend,

when pain & sorrow seem never to end,

I yield to you, O Lord, so that I may see,

The peace & the joy you've promised me.

when will you appear,standing right in front of me?

don't ever think that you know me. you are not.
i'm not the superwoman you've always thought of. i'm not made of steel.i'm ....nothing.
yes, i may look like one but the me, deep inside, is fragile. so fragile that i can be crushed even by your lil' finger..anytime.
i put up a brave front so that i won't be taken advantage easily. i learn to be independent 'cos i know i can never trust anyone in this world. guess that's how it is to survive in this dark world and that's how life should be..how pathetic is that.
i'm so tired of all these, i need a break. sometimes i really wanna give myself a chance for not being a hardcore, before i lose my sanity.
where's all the love, the care gone?
i need a shoulder to cry on.

it'll never be the same again

bitchy guy.

what bitchy guy?? u must be wondering.because people usually won't label guys as bitchy.
when i say bitchy...means it's bitchy.i dun simply call a person bitchy..so when i said so...means that person is so totally bitchy..as in VERY.

have u ever met a guy who likes u, sends u flowers, sweet talks, even willing to pay for the eurotrip(wtf u think i can't pay for myself??!!) & even sticks around with u all the time like a leech..that most of the times u felt so suffocated n so tired of it.but on the other hand..he's been talking bad about u behind ur back...been backstabbing u?worst,he told others that i'm his girlfriend!! if u haven't met such guy before..take this as my advice to u..be careful because such guy do exist! he's even worst than a gal who bitches around.

i can forgive him.but if he doesn't wanna admit..how am i gonna forgive him?still trying to defend himself..keeps blaming on us.YEAH RIGHT,we started everything,we are to blame for this!bullshit!so who's the crapper now?!

To YOU (you know who you are),

i've always treated u as a close friend but what did i get in return?no, that doesn't mean i'm asking for anything in return..i just want a pure friendship,that's it.i don't even wanna hurt ur feelings for asking u to give me some space but instead letting u sticking around with me like a leech.i've even told u like dozens of times that it's impossible between us, & i didn't even wanna hurt u,by telling u that i do have someone in my mind right now.u're my friend,i don't wanna hurt u.i just can't do it.i'd rather suffer on my own,for almost 1 1/2 years for this.
THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.so what if u're forgiven?u can never save the friendship anymore.U KILLED OUR FRIENDSHIP.sorry to tell u this.please admit ur wrongdoings & leave us alone..no one deserves to be hurt by ur so called political tactics.don't use it on us.

it hurts me alot..especially i'm one of those who cherish friendships.friendships meant alot to me.it hurts me so bad that you even make me lose my trust in my other close friends.
u know me well, u know i hate backstabbers, but why do you have to do this to me?
get out of my life..i just don't wanna see u anymore.
AND YES.YOU'RE FORGIVEN.even though u dun wanna admit it.

lazytobacteria invades!!

now i truly believe what i've been told.YES i'm so totally agree with what they've said.2nd sem for 2nd year students are SO SO SO free!!! and it even got me into blogging..lols

symptoms of laziness has started to show..gosh..i didn't even touch my books after coming back from my eurotrip...which was like..WHAT?! it's been a month??!! damn...

well the eurotrip was really a great experience for me..will never forget every single moment..the good n the bad memories will always be in my mind.it was a great time for me to relax my mind after sitting for those gruelling finals,which results turn out to be...GREAT!got what i've wanted..'avtomat' for anatomy..hehe.thank God.

oh yeah..& the things i shouldn't know..which i got to know during the trip..somehow God just wanted me to go to the trip to see what i wouldn't get to see..2 weeks' time & someone's true colors have shown.guess that's how God tries to keep me away from evil eh.alrite forget about this..it's not important anyway.

highlight of the trip?of course it's the culture,histories,sceneries & architectures! i'm a big sucker for those!

going around Europe backpacking style was tiring but there's nothing to complain about.i would love to do it again!should really thank my parents for this wonderful trip.Muakkss!!

Hmm...what should i do next?continue watching movies?hahaha..

HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY to all my fellow species from planet venus out there,whether u're on earth or u're still stuck in planet venus!! ;P

Do Malaysian guys ever respect girls??

i wonder if there's any of you out there really do respect girls..

seeing how Russian guys appreciate this wonderful day..celebrating this day by giving out flowers and gifts..even to their female coursemates..they cherish the women beside them.yet not even a single malaysian guy(except you, Suresh ,you're the only gentleman i know) bother to wish us happy women's day!shame on you guys...even our lecturers(female as well) wished us!

can't you guys just treat us equally?damn chauvinist pigs.

please..you're not the dominant ones

THINK..if it's not your mum...how the hell can you be ended up in this world?she's the one who suffered 10 months and gave birth to you.

guys...change your mindset..it's the 21st century.women do contribute for this world OK!

not that i've seen any guys that are so smart.some are so stupid and they think they're great.and stop boasting around,i feel embarrassed for you.