shopaholic

been such a big spender since i got back to m'sia.
bought a book.
bought new specs.
signed and waiting for my camera to come.

mum doesn't look pleased.
and i'm planning to buy a brand new leather converse.
what's more, more spending to come in Cambodia. may be Taiwan too??
plenty more in my mind that i wanted to buy. sportswear, more books, bags, blah blah, blah blah. the list never ends.
I AM SO DEAD.

home. doma. love.

one more day to go before leaving to m'sia.
yes. home. sweet home.
i'm fully prepared.
it's gonna be a busy holiday. if everything goes well, estimated that i only have 14 days back in m'sia. so i'm gonna make my holis worthwhile. no nonsense. 
i just love to be busy =)

had a second round of shopping yesterday. wooots! feel sooooo good to shop around =D
and thanks Irise for the give away stuff. i almost spent one lum sum on a backpack the next day but thankfully there's a backpack waiting for me to kutip. and Enci's puma bag also. so right now i can at least save some money to buy my camera and lenses.
Arep helped me figure out which lens i should buy and woooooooooooots :D here it goes:
1. 35mm f1.8 nikon lens
2. 17-50mm f2.8 tamron
3. 11-16mm tokina
i hope i hope i hope my mum's not gonna nag at me. i know. i'm gonna spend a FORTUNE on these lenses. BUT I REALLY NEED THESE 3!!!!


anyways. internet's down.
watched 500 days of summer today for the second time.
i like this movie alot. and i like it even more now. probably 'cause i could truely understand it now.
somehow some part of this movie speaks for me. that's what i'm feeling too. cheated? lost? confusion?  depressed? whatever~ 
i'm all free from it now =) i should smile for what had happened =)


had an outing with a friend and we chatted at Dunkin's till midnight. 
we came to a conclusion that, one party in each relationship will surely be taken advantage if that party is too considerate, and that party will eventually be the victim. the other will be the one getting off freely without getting hurt. 
so what say you? do we need to be selfish or being possessive in order to be secure in a relationship? will we ever be appreciated in being considerate? 
too selfish and you'll ruin a relationship, same thing goes to being too considerate too.
guess we couldn't escape this reality.

so anyways, haven't finished packing and yet i'm typing this in my friend's room. later gonna have a final gathering before all part ways.
gonna do some last minute packing later.

i just wanna be a baby some times. just wanna be cuddled in the warmth.

fingers crossed

skipped practicals.
chatted with mummy.
and woohooo!!! mummy plans to use up her airasia voucher and decided to go Taiwan!!
i personally prefer Chengdu though. but who cares, as long as i get to tag along =D
keeping my fingers crossed now. nothing bad will happen for this coming summer holidays. no i'm not gonna let anything ruin my holidays!!
i have to plan the trip properly or else my mum's not gonna employ me as a trip planner anymore :S

try imagining......
a week of Cambodia, 3 weeks of M'sia and few days of Taiwan. and traveling around with my new camera. it's gonna be great!!
you are so gonna see me grinning everywhere from now. =D

final letter.

an angel gave me a huge slap on my face yesterday and i'm fully awake now. i'm thankful enough to be able to have friends around me who cares for me.
and yes, not again i'm  gonna look back, don't wanna reminisce the past anymore. it's all about moving on now.

i find no point wasting my time away crying for things/person that's not worthy at all. clearly you're not the only one in the world. more are waiting for me. and i believe there's gotta be a better man out there. it's your loss if you don't grab hold of your chance. and i know clearly, I'VE GOT NOTHING TO LOSE.
i'm gonna get rid of you from my life. at this point i guess hating is easier.
i'm gonna tell the whole world that i'm all ready! i've got back my confidence. i've made my decision.

what's true or not, i'll never know. i have doubts in every single words coming out from your mouth and problem lies that my trust for you has already gone. surely i can't be blamed for that. no, i'm not gonna pursue this matter anymore. it's only a waste of time.

maybe i was used as a tool for learning, but me too have learned a lot. no one will ever see my naivete in such case anymore.

love can be selfish and it only applies for both parties. not individually.
and right now i'm gonna tell you, i'm not gonna self destruct.
i'll take back my words.
leave as you wish. no one cares anyway. selfishness wouldn't lead you to anywhere.
i too don't want a selfish friend.

'' love isn't measured by how many croissants you get'' 

period.

destress

SHOPPING

yes. it can never go wrong. shopping is the best medicine.

felt better after spending on some stuff.
it heals my heart, at least for time being. 

goodbye world.

can you just please leave me alone? 
i'm not in the mood of doing anything. not for practicals, not for BBQ, not for leadership meetings, not for video sessions, not even for any leadings. and yes, i failed to be a leader.
and how am i suppose to lead others when i'm in a mess now?
please let me rest for awhile.
i'm not in the mood for anything.
i'm not even prepared to go back to m'sia.

tired

dear God, i know i'm asking too much but please, can You just please clear my mind? 
let me be happy. for real.

octopaul

and so spain won this year's world cup. just as i expected.
gonna spare you this time octopus paul. at least you predicted correctly for spain.
this match is supposed to be germany's though :(

you effing racist piece of shit!

okay since it's a good day to update my blog & since i-wave isn't going crazy,
i'm gonna say this to you. COULD YOU JUST STOP BEING RACIST?!

hey c'mon lar...we malaysians have been staying together for the past decades. we learn from histories. yes it's true we might encounter something unpleasant every now and then, it's like bread and butter in our lives, that's just minority, there could have been a few troublemakers, and screw that government of ours, and that i could say it's all in us m'sians, we are being taught to hate each other when we were young, whether from peers, teachers or even family members. but at the end of the day, we as the younger generation of m'sians, you're the one to decide to whether to live in harmony or not.

i wouldn't deny, that i myself had encountered a few cases of racism in m'sia, but isn't that part of our lives in m'sia already? 
well malays doing it to chinese or indians, chinese doing it to malays and indians, indians doing it to malays, to chinese blah blah, it's like going around the circle!!!

i thank God i wasn't brought up this way. i've got the most open minded parents ever.
i thank God i wasn't born to be a pro-cina even though i came from a chinese school.
i thank God that my mum insists on sending me to a national school instead of further chinese high, so that i could mix with other races.


if people are doing things to you and you don't like it, don't do the same thing to them.
LET ALONE YOU'RE A LEADER!!!
do you know you just blurted out a very sensitive issue in front of your followers?
you're instilling a different mindset onto them. you're instilling hatred.
call yourself a christian.
no wonder people hates MF.
you just spoiled my day of listening to your speeches.


i mix around. my groupmates are mostly malays and one indian with few chinese.
i don't find it hard mixing with them. they are not biased against us as well. we even had outings.
i find that, we are a bunch of m'sians, it's nice to hang out with one another.
there might be language and cultural differences. but that's not the major issue to set us apart!!!!

i had enough of racisms here, the way how russians treated us.
but please as MALAYSIANS, can't we just stay close to one another?!

well i don't know whether i'm in a position to tell you about this or not, i'm just a nobody.
i wanted so much to actually tell you this in person though.

summer rain

went strolling deep in the forest and almost got lost in it. but thank God it didn't rain, not until i found my way out. how i did it? thanks to the sun for the direction.
feeling good and healthy for these few days as i get to go out a lot.
and so once again, i'm tanned. gonna get lotsa naggin' from my parents when i'm back in m'sia.
practicals are BORING. eff you MMC. don't blame me for being a bad doctor next time.

hello??!!

truly honored to be able to help out for this year's graduation ceremony. by far the best graduation ceremony. good job to all the 6th years who organized it. all the best in your future undertakings. gonna miss some of the seniors that i get to know. 

i had a great day but my jolly mood was spoiled when i got back to the hostel for seeing what i do not wish to see. is it coincidence or is it on purpose? that i don't know. but all i know is i am once again invisible!!! as though i don't exist at all!!! i seriously do not know how to react when i reached my room, whether to shout in frustrations, to cry, or to laugh out loud! ok, i admit i was jealous for what i saw. you never did that to me. dah lar i was so tired that day!!!
but really, besides jealousy, i'm fed up with this kind of treatment from so called friends too. 
all i know is, i don't see friends ever treated friends that way before. friends don't just part ways without a single word uttered. not at least a bye?? wth.
remember how you actually asked me to make friends with your friends even though you know i'm segan with them? and this, clearly shows i'm not a friend at all, because you do understand what's the meaning of being friends and who are they. i felt so unappreciated, from being just friend or used to be more than that. funny thing is, there's a funny way of communication between us, by only through my blog to know about my life and what i'm thinking. is this really the way of a friendship will be? 
talk about promises.

you blamed me for not being there when you needed me. now that you don't need me anymore and you have all the attention you want from another person, can i blame you back for hurting me this way? it's not just you alone. i did not say anything doesn't mean that i'm doing well. i understand you both are treating me this way for a reason but have you thought about how i feel? 
i had the urge to call you yesterday just to hear your voice, but i guess i don't need to anymore. may be i should stop crying for now. i guess it's not worth anymore. you've hurt me enough and i'm gonna stop you from doing that to me.


oh well, at the end of the day, i know i'm in no position to tell you what you should or should not do. so everything's up to you then.