Saturday, January 7, 2012

no guts to say 'i miss you'

see, i told you. it's never easy getting over it.
i'm supposed to be happy on new year. but thank god, at least i didn't spend it alone.

the thing is, when i get so attached in a relationship, even if it's just a friendship, things fall apart. friends changed.
and now i'm afraid of being so close to anyone. i chose to do everything on my own, going on a date with myself even though i badly need someone's company. i never liked being a loner, but i guess i have to.
i miss some of my friends, i dare not tell them. i wanted them to hang with me, but i just dare not approach anymore. or is it me giving up, for being always the first to approach. i don't know what's going on. i ended up lying to myself, ''hey look, they are busy with their studies, stop haunting them.''

it doesn't matter if it breaks me in a girlboy relationship, since that last shit's been almost 2 years and i'm not planning to get into one at the moment. but seriously, a failed friendship does hurt me. BADLY.
i just have to accept, that this is my weakest point. for those who've done this to me, congrats, you won.

so i guess that's why i turned myself into a shopaholic. owning stuff makes me really happy. and at least my pair of Docs are keeping me happy when i'm travelling everywhere alone.

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