so..what's happening around me? you must be wondering.
it's true what people say that, too many smooth journeys and wonderful things happen in your life, eventually it'll come to an end, and God's gonna take it all back, and you'll end up crying.
sometimes, i just can't find a better reason to not be angry with God.
all along i thought, i've lost something, i fell, and i've gained a new friend that i could talk things to. he brought me back when i was in my darkest.
and all of a sudden, all i knew was, i was being ignored, isolated for nothing. and the worst thing is, i don;t even know what did i do wrong to make him do this.
till now.
i've been trying to keep cool, make things up by simply talking to him, but to no avail.
thoughts have been running on my mind. and i wonder what really happened.
i seriously been searching for a chance to talk things out, face to face, 'cause i've always hated 'virtual' chatting.
i'm desperate to talk things out 'cause i know this friend isn't worth losing at all!!!
i'm going crazy day by day if this continues, i'm depressed and i've been tempted to even smoke. trying to forget about this.
i am angry and especially hurt at the same time.
some friend knew but chose to just ignore it and went on her with her life maybe?? and didn't even bother to ask what happening between the two of us?
sometimes i do wonder, what's the point of accepting your apology anyway.
i am hurt max 'cause, i always thought i've found a very good friend that can share my thoughts, and i trusted him so much, we even share the same interests, but eventually he chose to just ignore me, thank you that is way too hurtful. and why do you have to break me that way, knowing that there's too many similar things happened in my life.
may be i shouldn't blame too much.
i do think this might be am the one who is at fault. but i need to know what did i do.
i remembered when something happened to me, i keep it all to myself, and you were the one who went confronted me, saying that if i chose not to say out, it's fine but you knew something was wrong. to me this is something forceful. you just want me to say things out.
but now? you're the one who chose to ignore me and keep it all to yourself, is it anyway more fair to me?
i'm lucky enough though, to have my evil twin that could talk things out and to be around with me all this while.also ym for her advice and prayer.
this meant a lot to me.
and because of you girls, i'm still controlling myself from smoking and keep my cool.
it's a blessing in disguise.
3 comments:
its not that chose to ignore and walk on with my life,but its because im in fear in asking anything again in ur life,waht if i said something wrong again and u blow up on me again? i dont know what to do or to say. im always the one to be blame for everything,even in this matter. u blamed me for so many things for the past,from not telling u to break up with X and even this. does it make any difference if i masuk campur things btw u too? will u listen to me if i was to ask u about what happened to btw u two? i cannot afford to let myself to be blown up by u as i know that u've closed urself from me. i dont wanna hv any fight with u anymore. its tiring la...
did i ever intend fight with u at all from the first place?
arent the both of u chose to ignore me jus like that? didnt i even try talk to both of u? if am the one who chose to walk away fr the both of u. then i am to blame. but did i. it is as though the worst ive got the next day, without even knwing whats happening.
ok.
*sigh* i hate to see this thing happening! everything is upside down now! >.<
look,i didnt wanna walk away from you,nor did i intend it too. im jst afraid that i'l say something wrong again without me knowing it.
think i dont feel like kacau-ing u in ym or with jokes anymore? wrong!
but bcos of what happened that day,and til now also i dunno what i said that made u angry...yes,i admit that my way to confront u is totally wrong,bake cake in front of everybody,but bcos i tried aprroching u,to talk bout it thru ym,but no avail. so,baking cake was my last resort,as i dont like face to face talking. its jst me,how i deal with stuff...even fighting with jolyn,i wrote her a letter.
things are very strained btw u and me,no? both of us need to work on it,in order to put things as how it used to be. if im to open my heart to u,so must u. i cant do it a one way thing. the question is,are u willing to,wen? to put trust again.
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