i still have to go on.

and after 5 years of studying in this fucking country, i'm still doubting myself on whether i've made the right choice.
i can't believe it either.

if i'd chose to go australia, probably i'm an aussie PR now.

but still, i have to go on. for my dream's sake.

i hate being treated like a school kid.
obviously this isn't the right type of stress you're giving us.
i don't need all these craps to be perfect.
it's either stress will push you forward, or it'll make you fall. and the latter is what i'm having right now.

stressed

getting a fucked up therapy teacher is 100000x worse than having a hemorrhoid. a real pain in the ass.

signs of me getting tensed up?

pimples popping out, more restless than ever, pulling a long face, worst part is, am having gastric pain now!

mannnnn i'm falling. 
and 'cause of this, am so reluctant to go class, for the first time in my life.
i find no joy studying with such fucked up racist. 

i shall go for more piercings.soon.

just when am at my darkest

so..what's happening around me? you must be wondering.

it's true what people say that, too many smooth journeys and wonderful things happen in your life, eventually it'll come to an end, and God's gonna take it all back, and you'll end up crying.
sometimes, i just can't find a better reason to not be angry with God.

all along i thought, i've lost something, i fell, and i've gained a new friend that i could talk things to. he brought me back when i was in my darkest.
and all of a sudden, all i knew was, i was being ignored, isolated for nothing. and the worst thing is, i don;t even know what did i do wrong to make him do this.
till now.

i've been trying to keep cool, make things up by simply talking to him, but to no avail.
thoughts have been running on my mind. and i wonder what really happened.
i seriously been searching for a chance to talk things out, face to face, 'cause i've always hated 'virtual' chatting.

i'm desperate to talk things out 'cause i know this friend isn't worth losing at all!!!

i'm going crazy day by day if this continues, i'm depressed and i've been tempted to even smoke. trying to forget about this.

i am angry and especially hurt at the same time.
some friend knew but chose to just ignore it and went on her with her life maybe?? and didn't even bother to ask what happening between the two of us?
sometimes i do wonder, what's the point of accepting your apology anyway.

i am hurt max 'cause, i always thought i've found a very good friend that can share my thoughts, and i trusted him so much, we even share the same interests, but eventually he chose to just ignore me, thank you that is way too hurtful. and why do you have to break me that way, knowing that there's too many similar things happened in my life.
may be i shouldn't blame too much.
i do think this might be am the one who is at fault. but i need to know what did i do.
i remembered when something happened to me, i keep it all to myself, and you were the one who went confronted me, saying that if i chose not to say out, it's fine but you knew something was wrong. to me this is something forceful. you just want me to say things out.
but now? you're the one who chose to ignore me and keep it all to yourself, is it anyway more fair to me?

i'm lucky enough though, to have my evil twin that could talk things out and to be around with me all this while.also ym for her advice and prayer.
this meant a lot to me.
and because of you girls, i'm still controlling myself from smoking and keep my cool.
it's a blessing in disguise.